Guess what? What? It’s FINALLY time to get to taking out the bins. Yaaaay! I’ve been waiting all STINKING day for this moment. Are you getting to be as excited as I am, Dane? You don’t really expect that to work, do you? Come now! I’ve never been so impatient to get to tying up some overflowing bin bags and getting them swiftly AND EASILY to a designated rubbish zone! Aw, I appreciate your efforts but there’s no amount of unconvincing enthusiasm that’s going to make me want to take out the rubbish!

Well now! We’ll jump tracks, shall we? Why don’t you get to telling me all the reasons you don’t want to take the bins out, and I’ll get to telling you all the reasons why your reasons aren’t worthy of being reasons. Deal? A list of five “reasons”. Get to it!

Ughhhhhhh. Okay.

  1. I don’t want to run into anybody outside.
  2. I don’t want to touch the BIN LIDS!!!
  3. I don’t want to run into anybody outside.
  4. I don’t want to put a bra on just to take the rubbish out.
  5. I juuuust had a shower :(:(:( (two-day streak!) :):):)

Okay, easy. Eeeeasy! Right, get listening:

  1. If we run into anybody, we’ll say, “Hey!” and keep walking (I promise not to get tangled into any windy-winding conversations).
  2. After you touch the rubbish, you can get to washing your hands right away. WOW! Who knew it?
  3. We probably won’t even run into anybody!
  4. There’s no known correlation between wearing undergarments and ability to get bags of rubbish shifted from one location to another.
  5. Are we planning to get jumping inside the big shared bins and frolicking around (I won’t say no if that’s what you really want!)?

HmmMMMMmmm. Did I mention I’m really tired? That should actually be at the top of the list. Psh! You’re probably tired from lying around all day like an empress. Haha! Get to sprinting up and down the stairs with two arms full of bursting bin bags and see how ENLIVENED you become! Somebody should put that on a motivational poster. Okay, okay. I’m gonna do it because I really want this arrangement to work. But if I don’t feel enlivened afterwards, I’m going to really start doubting that you know what you’re doing! Did I ever get to claiming I know what I’m doing? I guess not. Okay now! Let’s get to grabbing all the garbage!

:):):) :(:(:(

Seeeee now? That wasn’t so bad, was it? You wouldn’t be saying that if we’d gotten locked out of the building! Well now, why didn’t you bring your keys? I was thinking about everything else. There’s a lot to think about! How can I think of keys when I have to think of all the other things? And we did run into people. But they helped us! When they got to seeing how many bags you had, they held open the door for you. Wasn’t that nice? Yes, it was very nice. I was worried for a moment they’d close the door behind them—lucky they were actually going around the back! Couldn’t you just get to saying, “Do you mind leaving that open? I forget to bring my keys down and don’t want to get locked out!” What, you think something as simple and easy as that is as simple and easy as that? I could easily say that for you next time! Hopefully next time I’ll bring my keys down like a grown-up. So funny. You think you’ve thought of everything, but you’ve never thought of anything. How is that? Don’t ask me! I’ve gotten to climbing in through Raina’s window enough times in my life.

So now, are you worried about anything after that? You know, I think almost getting locked out distracted me from the things I’d usually worry about. See? A blessing in disguise! There’s always a sunny side. I don’t feel too bad. Not too bad at all :)

Well! All I can get to saying now is: CONGRATULATIONS! Your place isn’t full of garbage and you’ve showered two days in a row. And that’s just the beginning! :):):) Do I get a certificate? Of course you do! Wait a tick—where is it? Ah, not even that crumpled! Okay. I hereby award you the Aniza. Fenn Z. Oreyerwick Certificate of Bare Minimum Cleanliness and Personal Hygiene: “In appreciation of your willingness to make occasional attempts (after some persuasion) to not get spiralling into a depressed lethargy that has a noticeable and potentially irreversible impact on your style of life, relationships, and ability to stay alive er:ka the consumption of food”. Well-bloody-done, you!

Awww! Thanks, Anizammer Oreyerwick. If I was the sort of person who could be bothered printing things and putting them up on the wall, I’d print that and put it up on the wall :)

Pheeewww. All this ceremonious garbage-fondling has made me hungry! Is it dinnertime yet?